That Weird Girl/Boy: Struggles of Living with Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
“Confront the dark parts of yourself and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” August Wilson
It feels like the ground beneath you has been ripped away when you lack self-worth.
You will always be under a dull cloud of anxiety that taints your life like poison.
When you lack self-confidence, you are like a tree without roots, easily shaken. When life throws at you its winds in form of tough circumstances, difficult relationships, or mean people, you shake, bend and fall easily.
Wherever you are, whatever you do, you are always demoralized and you feel insubstantial.
Everyone around you seems healthy, confident, and happy. You, on the other hand, are like a withered plant with all its’ leaves ripped off. You put on a mask, a façade trying to fool others. Deep down you are fully aware that it’s all a lie.
This is no way to live!
The stakes are high — with low self-esteem, you will have an inferiority complex — for this reason, you will not be able to fulfill your true potential. You will not be willing to go after your personal and professional goals; you may not put in the work/effort in your career; you will tolerate being mistreated by friends, family, and romantic partners.
Low self-esteem takes a toll on life in general.
The National Association of Self-Esteem has reported that teens are likely to suffer from the following negative behaviors as a result of low self-worth and low self-esteem;
· Teen pregnancies
· Engaging in sex at an early age
· Unlawful behavior
· Drug abuse
· Alcohol use
· Eating disorders
· A decline in academic performance
· Quitting school.
The impact of low self-esteem cannot be measured easily. However, studies indicate that self-esteem levels usually plummet during the teenage years. It is even worse in girls than in boys. DoSomething.org reports that approximately 70% of teenage girls develop feelings of not being good enough or not measuring up in certain ways such as academic performance, physical appearance, and having relationships.
Even worse, low self-worth can be carried on into adulthood easily. It can easily come in the way of a person’s ability to live their life to the fullest. Understand that low self-esteem doesn’t reflect reality.
To some extent, reality may be where the low self-esteem is rooted, but the thoughts that your feelings cannot be changed is highly inaccurate. Self-esteem can be changed because it is just a state of the mind. However, the only way you can change your self-esteem is to stop judging yourself and quit having negative feelings towards yourself.
You are more powerful than you think when it comes to your self-esteem than you would like to admit. Challenge yourself, challenge your thoughts and you may see a change when it comes to how you think about the present moment and the future.
Situations that may cause low self-esteem and low self-worth
· Negligent parents
The way our parents and guardians treat us has a huge impact on our self-esteem, especially when we are young. We all deserve a loving family. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Many young people live in homes where they don’t get enough parental support.
Sometimes, children have to deal with mentally unstable parents, alcoholic parents, or those who abuse drugs, or they may be victims of trauma. Such guardians may not give their children the love, attention, and guidance they need as they grow up.
These issues may cause self-esteem problems for children as they grow.
· Negative peers
Negative treatment from peers can result in low self-esteem issues. Being brought down by people we surround ourselves with; when people disrespect you, by pushing you to do things that you are not comfortable with, and by making you feel like your emotions and thoughts are second best, you may end up having feelings of low self-worth.
You may also feel like to be loved, you always have to do what others want, without listening to yourself. This can damage your self-esteem completely.
· Trauma
Emotional, physical, sexual abuse or even a combination of all of them can lead to feelings of low self-worth. People who have been abused sometimes think that there is something they did to deserve the abuse, that they are unworthy of respect, love, and care from the perpetrator.
Abused people can end up depressed, they may suffer from anxiety as a result of what happened which can then make them live a life that is not fulfilling at all.
· Body Image
53% of girls surveyed by Teen Health and Media are reportedly unhappy with their bodies. By the time they are 17 years old, this number rises to 78%. Even then, author Dianne Neumark through her book “I’m. Like, SO Fat,” reports that teenagers have unhealthy eating habits anyway.
For example, they miss meals, they smoke, they fast and vomit and they use laxatives as well.
The self-esteem of young people is deeply rooted in body image. As soon as we are born, we find ourselves sucked into unrealistic expectations of how our bodies should look. This is especially true for women.
The media objectifies the bodies of women daily. Their bodies are looked at as something that exists only to be touched, used, and looked at. Feelings of inadequacy come around when our bodies don’t match up to those that we see in magazine covers and music videos.
On the other hand, men suffer from feelings of low self-worth concerning body composition. Men’s bodies are treated as a sign of masculinity, which then pressures many young men to desire large muscles.
Men feel like, with muscles, they seem manly and strong. They are also very conscious about how tall they are.
· A small person in a big world
Feelings of worthlessness, powerlessness, and ineffectiveness can result from being swallowed up in a world that is beyond you. This feeling is mostly experienced in adulthood, but this doesn’t mean that young people are excluded from an existential crisis.
This is the time people start questioning the meaning of their life and what’s their life’s purpose. Failure to get satisfactory answers for themselves, young people can end up suffering from feelings of low self-worth.
· Unrealistic goals
Many young people have unrealistic goals of themselves when it comes to academic performance, social status, and co-curricular activities. This pressure may be from authority and peers, but it’s worse when it comes from within, from themselves.
Sometimes those who struggle academically feel like getting straight A’s will make them worthy. Those who excel in academics may try too many extra-curricular activities expecting to excel in them as well. People who love attention may want everyone to like them, and this may not always happen. You can never be everyone’s favorite cup of tea.
Being unable to meet all these over-the-top goals may lead to low self-worth.
· Past mistakes
When you happen to have fallen into a certain behavioral pattern in the past, you might think of yourself as the worst kind of person who exists. Past choices may make you dislike yourself in so many ways.
Maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you didn’t value relationships in the past, or you have probably landed yourself in trouble or jail. You may quit trying when you think of the past only, to fall back into the same patterns which then reinforces your negative self-worth.
· Negativity
When your thoughts follow a certain pattern regularly, it becomes a pattern. A habit.
You are probably familiar with muscle memory. If you constantly have feelings of being inferior or worthless and talk to yourself negatively, then it will become a cycle that never ends. Your feelings and thoughts can follow unhealthy patterns if you let them.
You cannot afford to do this to yourself.
This list is not exhaustive, but these issues are common. Negativity is responsible for persisted feelings of low self-worth regardless of what initially caused low self-worth to begin with. Young people should always look within to identify causes of low self-esteem. Evaluate yourself consistently.
